Hmmm 4 yrs ago, to the day, I got married. And in the 4 hrs since the end of the ceremony I already had 3 negatives for the day. Hmph, I should have taken a clue from that, since the next 18 months were not going to be any better.
Getting married, settling down , is so heavily entrenched in our brains its hard to think of anything else. You think that would be the easy part. That honeymoon year , what everyone so enjoys, I had no clue what a honeymoon 2 hrs was like.
Funny, I have been thinking about that whole day, getting married, how it went bad, how I have been too petrified to try again......... and not a single thought went to the way of the man I had married..... which is so typical for me, when I emotionally cut someone out from my life it is as they don't exist ( I have no idea how I developed that 'skill' ). Just goes to show how much the idea of just being married stays with a person....... and on the other hand I am happy I am not married to that man anymore. I can't even imagine the damage my heart and soul would have taken had I stayed.
All I can think about today is where I thought my life would have been today. It wasn't supposed to be like this ( yeah its confusing ). I've changed. The person I was before....... heck up to 3 years ago isn't here all the time and everyone notices. Even people I just met, sees two different people sometimes......... the old me and the new one ( music banishes her to the recesses of my mind, but with diminishing success). Just to say, I dont like the new one
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